DEAR ABBY: I’m having a tough time deciding what to do about my engagement to my fiance. We met at our previous job. Earlier than we bought collectively, he was with another person, and whereas he says he didn’t go away her for me, I’m certain I helped.
I’ve low shallowness, so I couldn’t perceive why he left her for me. However he instructed me I used to be fortunate he cared about me a lot as a result of he might have nonetheless been associates together with her. I did inform him that I wouldn’t care so long as I knew. We lastly moved into an residence collectively, and he began a brand new job with an previous pal he drinks with.
Because the transfer, he has turn into very verbally abusive, and I’ve developed nervousness and panic assaults. I’ve additionally developed a worry of driving. He tells me I have to stop being silly and to develop up. He doesn’t like to speak about issues. He likes to fake they by no means occurred. If I attempt to talk about issues that upset me, there’s all the time an argument and I’m all the time within the mistaken. After I work late or if I’m not residence, he will get upset, drinks and breaks stuff.
He proposed a 12 months into our relationship when issues have been OK. I’m attempting to do something I can to make this not depressing, nevertheless it’s not sufficient. What do you assume I ought to do? — NOT REALLY HAPPY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR NOT REALLY HAPPY: When issues can’t be mentioned, additionally they can’t be resolved. I feel it’s time to calmly consider the established order and resolve if you happen to actually wish to spend the remainder of your life with an insecure, domineering, abusive accomplice who has a consuming drawback. If the reply is not any, make different residing preparations. Pack your belongings, inform him the romance is over (do that solely when he’s sober AND you might have a witness) and go away.
If in case you have any motive to assume this charmer could turn into violent, first name the Nationwide Home Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 to place collectively a protected escape plan. Imagine me, you are able to do higher than this.
DEAR ABBY: At any time when I’m out early for a medical or dental appointment, early church companies, and so forth., I normally cease at a fast-food drive-through and convey residence breakfast. My neighbor is a single mom who works at residence because of the pandemic, and I purchase one thing for her and her son and go away it on her porch. I keep in mind occasions after I was nonetheless working and a co-worker would usher in breakfast treats, and the way a lot I loved them.
My spouse has instructed me to cease as a result of, she says, my neighbor will assume I’m a “soiled previous man.” My neighbor and I hardly communicate besides to say hi there, and I by no means give her one other thought. What do you assume? — PASSING IT ON IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PASSING: Once you decide up these breakfasts, do you convey one thing residence on your spouse as nicely? If the reply is not any, your spouse could also be insecure in regards to the consideration you’re paying to this neighbor. From my perspective, what you might have been doing is a kindness.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
